On being freudian

Gw bisa dibilang besar tanpa seorang sosok ibu. Dont get me wrong .. I have a mother, physically living in the same house. But..  sorry to say … I categorize her as a trouble.

Banyak hal2 negative di gw berasal dari interaksi engga mengenakan dengan beliau. Gw benci banget buang buku.. bahkan buku yg udah pasti ga gw baca lagi.. tapi tetep aja gw simpen sampe menuhin kantor dan rumah… Pikir2 lagi.. semua berawal dari gramedia.. haha sily memory banget. Jadi dulu ade gw belum bisa baca, dan gw bacain komik ke dia. Seems he like it a lot. So so .. ada kesempatan ke gramedia dan kita ambil buku yg disuka. Ga banyak 4-5 probably. But my mom kinda sort it out and push us to return the book and kinda yelled big time.

Or why do I hate vacation.. seems like every time we had vacation my mom kinda fussing about small things.. like we need to make sure not to take anything on the minibar, yes I know minibar is stupidly expensive, but buying the same exact thing in minibar.. and inspecting our room every hours. Not to mention excessive gifts we need to bought from several places because our aunts,neighbours,office friend requested it.

Anyway how about birthday? Why do I always feel uneasy on that particular date… A long time ago.. I really love books, and there is this book that I like and I know it is kinda expensive. Nice bezelment, good paper, quite thick book about greek mythologies. A book set consist of 4 book. So I requested this for my birthday almost a year before.. and my parents agree about that.. so when the day came, I did not get the books. At first somewhat ok for me because we kinda poor back then.. but seems my biggest dissapointment that few day later my cousin ‘sunatan’ he got this fancy remote control car. And I am really sure the remote car is more expensive than the book.

These dissapointment accumulates on subconsious level somewhat alter people personality. I am not anger towards someone, just plain dissapointment.

I am start praying these kind of stuff wont happen to my son.

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